The fear of messing up..CPTSD

my child within


Those of us who experienced abuse as children are absolutely terrified of messing up. Although making mistakes is a huge part of learning and of life, in an abusive home we got punished for things we didn’t deserve to be punished for and the punishment was directed at our core as a person. It wasn’t the usual discipline that healthy families use.

We were called names such as stupid, slow, dumb, sensitive, bad, unworthy etc. We were emotionally abused over and over again which led us to develop CPTSD. Now as adults we suffer with emotional flashbacks. Every time someone is disappointed in us, we are flashed back into the emotional state of our childhood. We feel small, defenseless, vulnerable, helpless and devastated.

The reason I am writing about this, is because I had a bad day at my morning job on Tuesday. My friend hadn’t told me she wasn’t…

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History of Coffee and How it Came to be Linked to Writers

The history of coffee is a fascinating one. It all started out with over caffeinated goats in Ethiopia before or around the 10th century. It then made it to the Arabian Peninsula around the 15th century when it’s popularity grew into local cultivation and trade. As it made it’s way to Europe, it was declared a Satanic drink by some of the local clergy. The outrage built until Pope Clement VIII gave it a test and certified it to be Satan free. The story goes on from there, check it out here on the National Coffee Association page.


Throughout history, coffee has been associated with education and writing. In England “Penny Universities” were places where patrons could purchase coffee while enjoying stimulating conversation. Thomas Jefferson was quoted as saying ” Coffee – the favorite drink of the civilized world.” It has also been a coveted drink by many American Presidents and many notable writers such as Honoré de Balzac. While tea was preferred over coffee in America, it was the Boston Tea Party that forever put coffee in higher favor with Americans than tea.


A lot of creative minds drink coffee (or tea) to help them focus because of the caffeine. Many writers (or creatives) enjoy a wandering mind, but when it is time to focus and be productive in a more linear fashion, caffeine is the key. Chemically, it has been found to cause your brain to respond in a specific way, backing up the belief that caffeine helps focusing. Neuroscience aside, writers are known for their rituals. Many seek out a place that is comforting to write while ensuring they have access to drinks and snacks. Coffee is a warm and comforting drink that stimulates initiative and confidence, and coffee shops give you a prime people watching environment. Listening to snippets of conversations or flashes of a person’s appearance can give a writer inspiration.


Since so many writers use caffeine to stay alert when inspiration strikes, it grew to great popularity. It’s no wonder that coffee and writers go hand in hand. I want to go on a coffee adventure, to taste a variety of coffees and drinks.

What is your go to coffee beverage? And let’s throw out a controversial question, hot or iced? Let me know what you like to drink.

Check out the first post in this series.